She said her name was "party"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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