He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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