I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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