Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
