You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize