the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
