After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
