I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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