this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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