Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
