I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
