We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
