ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize