I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
