I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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