made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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