whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he fucked my hip out of place.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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