a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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