it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
