lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize