I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
