Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
