I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
