I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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