so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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