i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I need a burrito and a hug.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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