halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize