i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
