is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
