i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
