So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
