my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
