I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
