I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
