I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't put those talents on a resume
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
