I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
