Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize