my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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