I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
