I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
