It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
