I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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