if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
