I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
