umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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