i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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