What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm passing your future prison.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
