Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
