wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
