i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
