Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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