dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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