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• (480): View more from Arizona

  The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine

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• (88): View more from

  Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go

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• (235): View more from

  Why is the turtle in the toilet again?

  (1-235): View more from

  Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched

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