Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He felt like a one man threesome
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
