I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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