I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
