Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize