Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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