the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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