I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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