if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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