Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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