Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
they need to just BURY HIM!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
