My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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