Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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