omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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