Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
