i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
