you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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