As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
