3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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