is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
