the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
