they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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