Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
