yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
