so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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