It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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