hell yes lets make some ravioli
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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