I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
