I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
