I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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