Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
