Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize