I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
