I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
