so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
