john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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