Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
