yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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