I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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