Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
