you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
