Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize