You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
