He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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