I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
