He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
