If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
