Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Found the puke drawer
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
