he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
