I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
