one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
