I want to have your abortion
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
