I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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