3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
