Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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