It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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