Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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