..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
