I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
