eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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