I want you more than these girls want KFC
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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